IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Taking care of children is probably one of the most important jobs of society and parents should be forced to take training courses showing them how to do so. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#care #children #jobs #society #parents #courses
Children are the
another
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 world for their parents.
Although
, many people
believes
Suggestion
believe
 that caring
of
Suggestion
for
 children is one of the most significant jobs of society and parents have to take training classes for the same jobs. I would discuss the
point regarding to
Suggestion
point regarding
 the statement. And I
am partailly agree
Suggestion
partially agree
am partially agree
have partially agreed
am partly agree
 with the statement. In the modern generation,
childern
a young person of either sex
children
 are so advance,
emtional
determined or actuated by emotion rather than reason
emotional
 and easy to distract. Nowadays,
environment
Suggestion
the environment
 becomes so nasty or dirty people are so mean and provide bad influence on the
childern
a young person of either sex
children
. So
,
Accept space
,
 parents need to teach and
care
 the
childern
a young person of either sex
children
 to make long distance from from these
type
Suggestion
types
 of people. Apart from
this
, technology
also
 influence their
childern which
Accept comma addition
children, which
children which
 directly impacted on their brain.
Thus
, parents take a training course to handle their
child
 in different type of situations.
Furthermore
, parents
to take
Suggestion
take
 classes in a
such
 a way that
childern
a young person of either sex
children
 never hesitate in telling the truth and opinions.
On the other hand
, parents are so busy in the fast forward where they do not have much time to take
care
 of their
child
Suggestion
children
.
Moreover
, either grandparents or nanny taking
care
 of the
childern
a young person of either sex
children
. In
this
scenrio
an outline or synopsis of a play (or, by extension, of a literary work)
scenario
scenery
, parents do not have any
requirment
required activity
requirement
requirements
 to take those
type
Suggestion
types
 of training courses. And
grandsparents
Suggestion
grands parents
 are not that much capable to take these sources. And Some parents are well educated and they have
aboundence
Suggestion
an abundance
abundance
 of knowledge
to
Suggestion
of
 how to
care
provide a cure for, make healthy again
cure
 their
child
.
Thus
, I stop to
writing
Suggestion
write
 and say that some people have to take training course which help to them for better caring of their
child
. And other parents where grandparents taking
care
 of their
grand sons
a male grandchild
grandsons
 or daughter.
they
Suggestion
They
 do not need any training
coureses
education imparted in a series of lessons or meetings
courses
. In the broad way, it totally depends on the parents.
Submitted by iN on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: