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Writing Samples
Band 4

The range and quality of food that we can buy has changed because of technological and scientific advances. Some people regard this change as an improvement, while others believe that it is harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#range #quality #food #advances #people #change #improvement
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There are many innovative
advancement
Suggestion
advancements
 in the production of
food
Use synonyms
 for mass consumption going on in
modern era
Suggestion
the modern era
. Some mind
consider
Suggestion
considers
 these discoveries as a huge aid for some,
such
Linking Words
 as farmers and
enterprenuers
someone who organizes a business venture and assumes the risk for it
entrepreneurs
, albeit I think, they could
also
Linking Words
 bring negative effect
significantly
Suggestion
significant
 especially to consumer's health. Modern
equipement
an instrumentality needed for an undertaking or to perform a service
equipment
equipments
 and innovations are
believe
Suggestion
believed
 to bring benefits, especially to farmers who could
plow
a powerful stroke with the fist or a weapon
blow
plough
play
 effortlessly their farmland using modern day plowing machines. With the new technologies, the conventional
lenght
the linear extent in space from one end to the other; the longest dimension of something that is fixed in place
length
 of time in preparing the field for planting vegetables and grains
is shorten
Suggestion
is shortening
is shortened
has shortened
shortens
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
enterprenuers
someone who organizes a business venture and assumes the risk for it
entrepreneurs
 would be able to earn more from utilizing
advance
Suggestion
advanced
 machineries
instead
Linking Words
 of workforce from
hired
Suggestion
hiring
 workers. With
this
Linking Words
 higher growth of earnings, there would be more investment to sustain and expand their
food
Use synonyms
 businesses, which could result to cost reduction of
food
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some people are worried about the harmful effect of the advancement of
food
Use synonyms
 processing. Compare to
traditional way
Suggestion
the traditional way
traditional ways
 of fermenting
food
Use synonyms
, which are beneficial to health, some synthetic
food
Use synonyms
 additives aim to preserve
food
Use synonyms
, could potentially poison the body. The shortage of the national supply in natural vinegar and fish sauce, leads to mass production of laboratory made ingredients, which was recently discovered harmful to incorporate to meal regularly. In conclusion, I believe that the benefit of the modernization of
food
Use synonyms
 production to consumers and producers, would
also
Linking Words
 result to some unwanted health effect to consumers.
Submitted by ilnacas7777 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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