IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that raising the price of fast food will solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #food
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Obesity is a most common problem for any person. People are becoming obsessed to consume fast
food
Use synonyms
 because those foods are attractive and delicious. But raising
price
Suggestion
the price
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 is not the only solution to remedy
this
Linking Words
 problem. I think, building awareness among people is crucial to get a solution. At present days, eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 tendency is shown more in
young generation
Suggestion
the young generation
 and
employer
Suggestion
employment
. Many of employee
eat
Suggestion
eats
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 at their lunch
time
Use synonyms
 for
time
Use synonyms
-saving.
Also
Linking Words
, some junk
food
Use synonyms
like, chips,
Suggestion
like chips,
 Burger, Sandwich, Pizza etc.
are
Suggestion
Are
more easy
Suggestion
easier
 to get from any shop.
people
Suggestion
People
 do not have to wait for
long
Suggestion
a long time
time
Use synonyms
.
so
to a very great extent or degree
So
, it is very
time
Use synonyms
 consuming.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the restaurants at present, give lots of offer on those foods which attract
majority
Suggestion
the majority
 of
student
Suggestion
students
 including
also
Linking Words
 student offer. But
this
Linking Words
 is not only the reason behind gaining weight.
to
Suggestion
To
 sit for a long
time
Use synonyms
 and do not do any exercise is
also
Linking Words
reason
Suggestion
the reason
a reason
 of fatness or overweight.
Employee
Suggestion
An employee
 who
works that’s
Accept comma addition
works, that’s
 kind of work where he or she has to sit for a long
time
Use synonyms
 causes overweight along with back pain. In
this
Linking Words
 case, only increasing cost
in
Suggestion
of
food
Use synonyms
 not the only solution, awareness is needed that which
food
Use synonyms
 we should eat in which
time
Use synonyms
 and how much. One should divide or make a routine about taking
food
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, who has already overweight should avoid eating lots of
carbohydrate
Suggestion
carbohydrates
 and sweet foods. But
this
Linking Words
 is not
also
Linking Words
ignorable
Suggestion
 to raise
price
Suggestion
prices
 in fast
food
Use synonyms
. May be people will get
demotivate
Suggestion
 to consume it,
specially
to a distinctly greater extent or degree than is common
especially
student
Suggestion
the student
. The most important thing is whatever we eat, we should always keep some
time
Use synonyms
 to do exercise.
This
Linking Words
 is not necessary to go
for
Suggestion
to
jimesiam
athletic facility equipped for sports or physical training
gymnasium
 every
time
Use synonyms
. The normal walking and free hand exercise which
have
Suggestion
has
 lots of
benefit
Suggestion
benefits
 to keep someone slim and fit. To conclude, the government
should to do
Suggestion
should do
 some campaign to build awareness among people, to show the bad side of fast
food
Use synonyms
 and inspire be healthy and live disease free.
Submitted by neelapriya12 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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