IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As technology has advanced, there is almost no gender difference when applying for any job in any sector. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #gender #difference #job #sector
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 advanced era, people can hardly find any gender discrimination. Nowadays
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 do
work
Use synonyms
 in many fields but in some areas of
work
Use synonyms
 males and
females
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 differently. So, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would take a partial view. To commence with, some people think that there is no gender inequality observed these days. First and foremost , in the medical
field
Use synonyms
 like nursing and physiotherapy
females
Use synonyms
 are more owing to their job.
However
Linking Words
, males are
also
Linking Words
 dominating to show their skills in the same
field
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, In the teaching
field
Use synonyms
 in the past
women
Use synonyms
 worked more in schools but in
this
Linking Words
 era,
men
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 in the teaching
field
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, In the parliament, only
men
Use synonyms
 were allowed to
work
Use synonyms
 but for two years
women
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 reserved their seats in politics and did great
work
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some fields need physical
strength
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 have always the upper hand in these. By
this
Linking Words
, I mean that, In the military, there is no doubt
women
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 serve for their country but
men
Use synonyms
 have great physical
strength
Use synonyms
 as compared to ladies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in physically challenging sports like, Football and rugby mostly
men
Use synonyms
 play these games as their physiques are different than
women
Use synonyms
's.
Similarly
Linking Words
, no man can challenge
women
Use synonyms
 in the marketing and promotion
field
Use synonyms
. In these sectors,
females
Use synonyms
 have good power to communicate with others but they do have not that much physical
strength
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, In marketing companies,
females
Use synonyms
 are greater than males
according to
Linking Words
 one Japanese survey.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there is no doubt that
gentleman
Fix the agreement mistake
gentlemen
show examples
 and
women
Use synonyms
 both
work
Use synonyms
 in any
field
Use synonyms
 but sometimes their
strength
Use synonyms
 and intelligence are different and it leads to working in different sectors.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, I support the partial side of
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Submitted by kaverigoti2209 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task and provides a clear position throughout. While you've provided relevant points for both sides of the argument, make sure your stance (partial agreement) is consistently clear.
task achievement
Work on further developing your ideas and providing more comprehensive explanations and examples for each point you make. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your position clearer.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each point leads smoothly to the next and that your arguments build on one another effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your essay does have an introduction and a conclusion, work on making sure these sections are as strong and impactful as possible. A clear, concise introduction and a compelling conclusion can enhance the overall cohesiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your main points are fully supported with specific and relevant details. Providing more examples and elaborating on your main points will improve the depth of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument. This demonstrates your ability to consider different perspectives, which is important for a well-rounded response.
task achievement
The inclusion of relevant examples, such as the comparison between men and women in military and marketing careers, enhances the credibility of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphing and a logical structure that helps guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and the conclusion are present, providing a clear start and finish to your essay. This helps frame your discussion and gives it a sense of completeness.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: