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Band 5

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#children #countries #effects
It has been noted that an increasing number of children in advanced nations are becoming
obesed
excessively fat
obese
, and
this
 has posed a great challenge to
most prosperous
Suggestion
more prosperous
 countries. The main causes of
this
 are sedentary
life styles
a manner of living that reflects the person's values and attitudes
lifestyles
 and excessive consumption of junk foods,
which if
Accept comma addition
which, if
 not controlled could lead to many detrimental effects. One major cause of obesity in
developed
Suggestion
developing
 nations is an increase in sedentary
life styles
a manner of living that reflects the person's values and attitudes
lifestyles
 of many young ones.
In other words
, there is a reduction in physical activities of many kids.
This
 can be attributed to
modern method
Suggestion
modern methods
the modern method
a modern method
 of living seen in most cities especially the technological advancement. Take
for instance
, kids of nowadays are rarely seen involved in an outdoor game, but rather prefer to stay
indoor
within a building
indoors
 and either watch television or play computer games.
As a result
, they are often limited to one place with little or no exercise,
thus
, accumulating extra fats after meals without burning them down.
Also
, there is an increase in the rate of consumption of junk foods.
This
 could be ascribed to higher incomes and business of many parents. Having said that, one of the harmful effects of obesity include
problem
Suggestion
the problem
 of ill-health, because it is a risk factor for so many diseases
such
 as, hypertension and diabetes.
For example
, the number of youngsters with Maturity Onset Diabetes Mellitus is higher in the UK and USA compared to that obtained in all African countries.
Consequently
, much funds, which could be used for other public services, would be channelled to facilities and medications to keep them fit. More so, if nothing is done early, there would be
negative impact
Suggestion
a negative impact
 on the economic growth of
such
 states as these young ones would grow into less fit adults with reduced
man power
the force of workers available
manpower
. In conclusion, the detrimental effects of overweight cannot be underestimated,
therefore
, governments should try to create awareness, and parents make sure that their children are involved in regular exercises to ensure a healthy and prosperous country.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
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