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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.
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The pie diagram analyzes residential, industrial, and agricultural
water
Use synonyms
 conduct rates in three regions, namely
San
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Diego
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 County,
California
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, and the
world
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. In
California
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 and
San
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Diego
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, residential
water
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use
Use synonyms
 has increased significantly, at 60% and 39%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only a small fraction of 8% in other parts of the
world
Use synonyms
 is used by the household.
In addition
Linking Words
, when cultivation
estimates
Add a missing verb
is estimates
show examples
 for 69% of the
world
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's
water
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use
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, the opposite trend can be seen.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in
San
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Diego
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 and
California
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, 17% and 28% are accounted for. For industrial
water
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, all three countries
use
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 the same amount of
water
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.
Besides
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, the
water
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use
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 in
San
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Diego
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 and the rest of the
world
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 is balanced, with 23%. And
then
Linking Words
,
California
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 usage increased by 10% to 33%.
Overall
Linking Words
, suburban
water
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use
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 accounts for the highest level in the country of
San
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Diego
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, and the country uses less
water
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 for farming. Invariance, most of the
world
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's
water
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use
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 is used for agriculture, plus,
water
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use
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 in the private category is
also
Linking Words
 reduced. Clearly,
California
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 is almost equal in terms of
water
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 resources for three categories of residents, industry, and agriculture.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, san, diego, california, world, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • households
  • significant
  • industrial use
  • implications
  • agriculture
  • geographical
  • climatic
  • economic factors
  • patterns
  • sustainability
  • practices
  • surprising
  • exceptionally
  • improvements
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