IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

2.A. Competitiveness among high school students should be encouraged. Do you agree or disagree?

#competitiveness #school #students
The gradual merging of cultures and economies over the world has led to an increasingly competitive international job market. Recognition of the role [THAT] competitiveness plays in success has permeated most facets of society, and
this
 includes the institutions that prepare students for adulthood. It is agreed [I AGREE THAT] that competitiveness among high
school
 students should be encouraged. The merits of
this
 position will be shown by looking at how a competitive spirit can help train young people to both spot opportunity and cooperate with others.
Firstly
 [ON THE ONE HAND], grooming students to be competitive at a young age can help prepare them to seize opportunities down the road.
For example
, in many countries, high
school
 is followed by a period of intense
competition
, as students vie [LOOK FOR] for scholarships, internships and career options. Students who are not naturally competitive or willing to improve their skills in relation to others will not achieve the same results as those that [WHO} approach chance more aggressively.
Thus
, it is important to encourage
competition
 among students at an early age to provide them with a strong start in life.
Furthermore
,
competition
 in team settings breeds cooperation, a trait that often acts as a precursor to success in life.
For instance
, to overcome an opponent in a competitive game, the members of a high
school
 basketball team must work together to maximize their collective strengths.
This
 acts as an example of how
competition
 in a group setting can teach a young person the importance of teamwork, a valuable skill these young people will need in their future careers.
Thus
, it is clear that benefits do derive from the encouragement of
competition
 in high
school
. As the above shows, competitiveness is beneficial to teenagers because it prepares them to grab educational and professional opportunities and as well instills an understanding of the importance of cooperation.
Thus
, it can be concluded that there are clear and healthful advantages
to
Suggestion
of
 encouraging
competition
 among high
school
 students. It is hoped
this
 trait is increasingly instilled in the young people of tomorrow.
Submitted by Masudur Rahman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: