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Writing Samples
Band 5

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #countries #crime #people #education
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Over the past decades, the rampant
crime
Use synonyms
 has been provoked
considerably
Suggestion
considerable
.
Although
Linking Words
imprisonment
Use synonyms
are commonly believed
Suggestion
is commonly believed
 to be
most appropriate
Suggestion
more appropriate
 effort to restrict the phenomenon in many countries, education has been concerned to be more effective. In my opinion, despite the potential advantages of
equiping
the act of equiping with weapons in preparation for war
equipping
 better education, the benefits of prison sentence outweigh the other. On the one hand, it is widely adopted that lack of
eduaction
the activities of educating or instructing; activities that impart knowledge or skill
education
 usually directly leads to potential
crime
Use synonyms
. Many may argue that the more people provided moral norms and knowledge, the less
rate
Suggestion
the rate
 of committing
crime
Use synonyms
.
This
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 argument could be true to some extent. In fact, being brought up with ethics could form a person to follow the rules which limits the chance of violating the laws.
However
Linking Words
, the willing to commit the law needs to be nipped in the bud and the educational approach could not ensure the lower rate of
recommitment
the act of getting recruits; enlisting people for the army (or for a job or a cause etc.)
recruitment
.
For instance
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, the crimes usually take the re-education unconsciously, likely to offence and back to the old illegal life.
On the other hand
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, it is essential to take into account that
imprisonment
Use synonyms
 has been preferred for its undeniable,
unrejectable
not capable of being foretold
unpredictable
 benefits. The
imprisonment
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 is the penalty that not only keep the criminals to harm the
society but
Accept comma addition
society, but
also
Linking Words
 give
opportunity
Suggestion
an opportunity
the opportunity
 of remorse as a humanitarian punishment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the fear of losing freedom and spending life in prison is an effective means of determent which is a burden to potential criminals to recommit the
crime
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.
For example
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, towards the dangerous criminals or in special
circumstances
Accept comma addition
circumstances, such
such
Linking Words
 as deeply violating the laws,
imprisonment
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 has always been prioritized in many countries. Taking all above mentioned fact into account, it is clear that the benefits of re-educational approach bring positive effects on criminal;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method is eclipsed by the advantages of
imprisonment
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by People’s life expectancy in the 21st century has been rising on an unprecedented scale. As a result, policymakers are now considering extending the working age for old people. Prolonged life is, on the one hand, a welcome change for many individuals, yet I believe this is completely not a good idea for old people to continue to work due to several reasons related to their deteriorated work performance and capability to adapt to new technologies. Breakthroughs in medicine and heightened awareness of nutrition are the two key factors leading to longevity. For example, nanotechnology, with tiny robots being injected into patients’ body and mending all their damaged organs, are believed to the one of the secrets to obliterate any currently incurable diseases such as cancer. Additionally, people nowadays are better aware of the importance of a good diet, and such wise consumption can ensure good health and consequently extended age. However, extending people’s working age can be a catastrophe to both senior citizens and companies. The majority of people at the age of 65 or over, especially in developing countries, are unable to maintain the same degree of performance as their younger counterparts. This would eventually give rise to many unwanted repercussions that affect the company’s overall profits and the personal life of the aged workers as well. Also, the fast-paced life requires quick adaption and adjustments to new technology, and this is something that the elderly may never be on par with the younger ones. It is not an overstatement to say that it is a torture to work in a place where you are both physically and technologically inferior to your younger co-workers. In conclusion, my firm conviction is that old people should not be involved in work any longer than their designated retirement age now. If the need for workforce is urgent, old people can, to a certain extent, work as consultants or mentors rather than the main labor force. 30 minutes – 323 words – computer-delivered on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
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