It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Individuals
should be responsible for saving their own pensions, as the government
should not take this
into consideration. However
, many individuals
argue it is their own responsibility to provide retirement
, I
mostly disagree with Correct word choice
and I
this
point of view.
Admittedly, proponents of personal responsibility claim that people should consider their retirement
, One of the obvious reasons is that it encourages individuals
to plan their future financial needs. This
means that they will calculate their expenses,and after analyzing, this
pattern incentives to save their money. Furthermore
, if citizens could provide their own pensions, the government
could divert its money to other social services, such
as education and healthcare. As an example, in Finland, a significant proportion of the population provides their own retirement
savings; consequently
, the country focuses on as much priority as sectors.
Nevertheless
, despite retirement
planning helping the country, it leads to inequality among city dwellers. A primary justification is that relying solely on personal savings might contribute to difficulties. As long as , not many individuals
are sufficiently affluent to secure future finances, leading to burden problems. For instance
, in Azerbaijan, more and more people are at low-income levels which does not sound enough good to provide their own retirement
. Additionally
, I think that it is the duty of the government
to fund the pension system owing to individuals
contributing to tax society through taxes and labour during their working years. Hence
, providing retirement
plays a significant role in respecting their senior citizens.
In conclusion, while
funding their own retirement
fosters individual accountability and helps the government
to allocate its budget to other socioeconomic parts, I am of the opinion that authorities should be responsible for this
and it is their duty.Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on
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task achievement
Make sure to consistently address the key points in the argument, without leaving any lingering doubt or ambiguity in your stance. A clear and focused response throughout would strengthen the task achievement.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with examples and details. This will provide a stronger backing to your argument and enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent and logical structure to the essay. Each paragraph should unfold seamlessly into the next, allowing for a clearer and more easy-to-follow argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of ideas by using more varied linking words and ensuring that each paragraph connects clearly to your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly provided an introduction and a conclusion to frame your argument well.
task achievement
The essay responds to the question effectively by discussing both sides of the argument and clearly stating your stance.
task achievement
There is a noticeable effort to illustrate examples, such as those from Finland and Azerbaijan, which is commendable as it shows real-world application of the points being made.
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