IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What is the reason for this? it is a negative or positive development.

#children #time #computer #games #sports #reason #development
In the past, youngsters used to spend their free time playing outside in the fresh air, whereas in
this
 day and
age they
Accept comma addition
age, they
 tend to be glued to their gadgets every waking moment. Urbanization and modernization have replaced outdoor games with indoor games. I strongly agree that
this
 is a negative
development
 that affects the physical and mental
development
 of the children. Urbanization has eliminated public playgrounds from cities and towns. Thanks to the
development
 of all those housing complexes and shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
Centers
, the cities have become more congested than ever, leaving no room for the little ones to enjoy outdoor games like cricket or football. Since playing
such
 sports in narrow streets cause disturbance to apartment dwellers, parents are forced to keep their children indoors. A recent study found that children residing in urban areas are less interested in playing outside than the ones in rural areas. Due to the high cell phone and tablet engagement, their intellectual and physical abilities are hugely getting affected. Sitting in front of a computer or a gaming console for hours can
effect
have an effect upon
affect
 the eyesight of the children and make them obese. Studies have shown that physical activities help the
development
 of cognitive abilities like decision making and problem solving. In conclusion, video games might keep children engaged for hours on end, but they do not help the overall
development
 of the children. So I strongly believe that spending too much time on playing
computers
Suggestion
computer
 games can be extremely harmful for the upcoming generation.
Submitted by Anoop on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: