IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people have difficulty maintaining a healthy diet. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

It is considered by many that keeping healthy eating habits is difficult.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to explain why
people
Use synonyms
 think
this
Linking Words
 and what could be the possible solutions for
this
Linking Words
 problem. The two main causes leading
people
Use synonyms
 to break their healthy diet are
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy access to junk
food
Use synonyms
. The first one justifies why
people
Use synonyms
 do not have the time to eat properly since they are so busy working, studying,
looking
Correct word choice
and looking
show examples
 after their children that they do not even have the opportunity to sit down and have a proper meal.
Instead
Linking Words
, they have to buy fast
food
Use synonyms
 at the nearest place and eat it when they are in transit,
for example
Linking Words
. The latter
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
complements the effects of a busy life when it comes to convenience.
Due to
Linking Words
 the ubiquity of oily fast
food
Use synonyms
 shops and unhealthy snacks with prices more affordable than vegetables,
for instance
Linking Words
, those types of
food
Use synonyms
 are more consumed
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than healthy ones.
As a result
Linking Words
, illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and heart disease are
increasely
Correct your spelling
increasingly
 affecting populations all over the world. To address
this
Linking Words
 health issue, individuals, corporations and governments have a role to play. Citizens and companies should reduce their work journey. So that everyone would be able to arrange time to plan and cook their own meals which means eating much more healthy and cheaper because they would be likely to buy more natural
food
Use synonyms
 in the supermarket and spend less money on eating out. And
finally
Linking Words
, to decrease the consumption of junk
food
Use synonyms
, the governments could elevate taxes on these products in order to make them less appealing.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the current lifestyle in our modern society is driving us towards health problems. If the right measures are not taken on time by
people
Use synonyms
 and authorities, the level of diseases and early death will dramatically increase.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the causes of the problem and proposes solutions, but the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the main points and offer a final perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened to provide a clearer overview of the topic and a stronger summary of the main points.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: