IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people have difficulty maintaining a healthy diet. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

#people #difficulty #diet
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It is considered by many that keeping healthy eating habits is difficult.
This
 essay is going to explain why
people
 think
this
 and what could be the possible solutions for
this
 problem. The two main causes leading
people
 to break their healthy diet are
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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easy access to junk
food
. The first one justifies why
people
 do not have the time to eat properly since they are so busy working, studying,
looking
Correct word choice
and looking
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 after their children that they do not even have the opportunity to sit down and have a proper meal.
Instead
, they have to buy fast
food
 at the nearest place and eat it when they are in transit,
for example
. The latter
one
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complements the effects of a busy life when it comes to convenience.
Due to
 the ubiquity of oily fast
food
 shops and unhealthy snacks with prices more affordable than vegetables,
for instance
, those types of
food
 are more consumed
rather
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than healthy ones.
As a result
, illnesses
such
 as obesity and heart disease are
increasely
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increasingly
 affecting populations all over the world. To address
this
 health issue, individuals, corporations and governments have a role to play. Citizens and companies should reduce their work journey. So that everyone would be able to arrange time to plan and cook their own meals which means eating much more healthy and cheaper because they would be likely to buy more natural
food
 in the supermarket and spend less money on eating out. And
finally
, to decrease the consumption of junk
food
, the governments could elevate taxes on these products in order to make them less appealing.
To conclude
,
it is clear that
 the current lifestyle in our modern society is driving us towards health problems. If the right measures are not taken on time by
people
 and authorities, the level of diseases and early death will dramatically increase.
Submitted by Layana on

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task response
The essay addresses the causes of the problem and proposes solutions, but the conclusion could be more developed to summarize the main points and offer a final perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened to provide a clearer overview of the topic and a stronger summary of the main points.
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