IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How could these problems be reduced?

#doctors #computer #games #children #people
It is true that most of children and young people are often put out a lot of efforts in playing
pc
Suggestion
PC
 games. Several problems have resulted from
this
 trend, and they should be tackled by a number of effective solutions from government, school and parents. Spending a significant amount of
time
 on playing computer games can result in some negative effects. The
first
 impact is that
this
 problem causes teenagers to have a sedentary lifestyle which leads to diseases
such
 as obesity and hypertension.
For instance
, in a
survey it
Accept comma addition
survey, it
 was reported that more than 50% of teenagers and kids who spend much of their
time
 on playing video games are more likely to face to
overweightness
usually describes a large person who is fat but has a large frame to carry it
overweights
. Another problem is hallucination is one of the possible problems that may be developed. To illustrate, some of the
player
Suggestion
players
 will be
hallucinate
Suggestion
hallucinating
 and imitate the action of the characters which put themselves into a risky situation.
However
, a range of available options can be taken
to tackled
Suggestion
to tackle
 the problem. One measure would be government and school can collaborate together to provide some healthy events for young generation.
For instance
, to organize a talk about the negative impacts on computer games and help them to know the consequences. Another remedy is that parents have the responsibility to educate their children and control of the
time
 they play video games.
For example
, during vacation, parents can bring their children to travel which can prevent them from putting most of their
time
 on playing video games. In conclusion, playing computer games can lead to many serious problems that why school and parents should coordinate to bring
child
Suggestion
children
the child
a child
 out of vicious lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: