IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the country side is more suitable. What are they advantages and disadvantages of both places?

#people #children #city #life #country #side #places
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that the society, whether rural or urban has a major role to play in a
childs
Suggestion
child's
child
 upbringing.
This
Linking Words
 essay seeks to discuss the merits and demerits of raising youngsters in the urban or rural society. Children raised in the city are usually technologically advanced. They learn in a well equipped environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, since 2013, 80% of schools in China have commenced the use of laptops and computers in classrooms rather than the traditional method of jotting notes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, growing up in the city makes children conversant with trending technologies.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, most kids living in the urban
environment lack
Accept comma addition
environment, lack
 moral upbringing because in many homes, parents tend to be busy with their jobs. Life in the developed areas comes with
high cost
Suggestion
a high cost
 of living and requires both parents working to make ends meet.
As a result
Linking Words
, most parents spend less time with their kids and these kids are not properly trained. Most importantly, families live together in the
country sides
Suggestion
country-side
countrysides
, with
such
Linking Words
 closeness brings love, unity and value for
family
Suggestion
families
the family
a family
.
Thus
Linking Words
, children raised in the rural communities have a better understanding of family and appreciate each member of the family. On the downside, learning facilities in the rural area is not as adequate as that in the urban area. Kids who live in local areas usually deprived of good education facilities. In conclusion, I pen
down saying
Accept comma addition
down, saying
 that, growing up in the city has its own pros and cons as well as growing up in the country side.
Submitted by How on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: