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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period
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The paragraph illustrates how much information from the
tourist
Use synonyms
office
Use synonyms
 was sent to tourism through three different methods from
January
Use synonyms
 2011 to June 2011. In
January
Use synonyms
, below 800 inquiries were transferred to the
tourist
Use synonyms
office
Use synonyms
 by telephone, leading to a slight decrease until May when it
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
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 out, at about 400 telephones. The
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists visiting the
office
Use synonyms
 directly started off with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 in
January
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in April, it increased considerably
overtook
Correct word choice
and overtook
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of letter
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letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
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/mail and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
telephone sent to the
office
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. The total
number
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 of letters/
mails
Correct your spelling
emails
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 received was roughly 900 in
January
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, which fluctuated between
January
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 and March before rising gradually to nearly 1600 in June 2011.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there was a significant climb in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
Tourist
Correct article usage
the Tourist
show examples
office
Use synonyms
 from over 400 persons in
January
Use synonyms
 2011 to approximately 1900 persons
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Add an article
the period
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 between
January
Use synonyms
 2011 and June 2011, the
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists and people
called
Correct pronoun usage
who called
show examples
 up
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Tourist
Correct article usage
the Tourist
show examples
 information
office
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 grew up dramatically over the period,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for travellers
got
Correct pronoun usage
who got
show examples
 information via mail/letter declined steadily. There is a common
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tourist, office, january, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • in person
  • by letter/email
  • by telephone
  • general trend
  • six-month period
  • significant increase
  • steady rise
  • decline
  • peak
  • fluctuations
  • monthly data
  • comparison
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