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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart compares 7 various factories that utilize ground and public water supply in a country. Data are expressed in millions of cubic meters.

The bar chart compares 7 various factories that utilize ground and public water supply in a country. Data are expressed in millions of cubic meters.
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The bar chart compares 7 various factories that utilize
ground
 and public
water
 supply in a country. Data are expressed in
millions
 of cubic meters.
Overall
, it is evident that
chemical
Correct article usage
the chemical
show examples
 industry uses more
ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
show examples
water
,
while
 fabric and fuel producers utilize the least.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
water
 utilization is higher in food or drinks and machinery manufacturers than the others.
According to
 the chart, the primary industry that uses the majority of the
ground
 and public
water
 is from
chemical
Add an article
the chemical
show examples
 industry in 430 and 240 million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cubic meters (
CM
) respectively.
Conversely
,
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
water
 consumptions in fabric and fuel factories are less with a mere 70-80
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CM
 for
ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
show examples
water
 and 10
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CM
 for general supply. Interestingly,
while
 the other remaining manufacturers
likewise
 consume more
ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
show examples
water
, food or drinks and machinery
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 it the least. In detail, food or drinks factory usage of general
water
 is at 190
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CM
, as opposed to only 110
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CM
 from
ground
Correct your spelling
groundwater
show examples
water
. The same is true for machinery with 90
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CM
 difference between the two
water
 sources. Meanwhile, metal and paper producers are using 190-240
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CM
 of
water
 from the
ground
 and 20-50
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
CM
 from general sources.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words ground, water, millions, cm with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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