IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people become famous when they are at a young age.  Do you think this is positive or negative?

#people #age
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In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 world, having the right talent can make you famous. In my opinion, being famous at an adolescent age has more negative impact than a positive one. In my
essay
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essay,
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 I will share my views on the same. To start with, being famous has
lot
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a lot
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 of merits
as well as
 demerits, which can impact the well-being of the person. A young public figure is always in the limelight.
Due to
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, his privacy is compromised, as his actions
is
Change the verb form
are
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 always being watched by the public.At a young age, it is very difficult for the famous youngster to be cautious all the time,
hence
 any negligence in his behaviour in public can lead to a negative effect on his image.
For example
, one young singer was trolled across
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media for arriving at an event drunk.
Secondly
, it becomes very
stress full
Replace the word
stressful
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 for the adolescent to handle all the pressure at an early stage of life.He is expected at all times to work long
working
Correct word choice
apply
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hours in order to meet all his commitments.
This
 can strain him both physically and mentally.
Moreover
, at an early stage of life, seeing too much wealth around can lead
on
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to
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 misusing it. In order to overcome, the stress and pressure he
could start
Wrong verb form
started
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 indulging himself in
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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drugs and excessive alcohol at a young age.
In addition
, some famous people
also
 suffer from depression, as most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 with their busy schedules they have very
less
Correct word choice
little
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 time to spend around their loved ones. In conclusion, young adolescent has to deal with a lot of pressure at an early stage in life, which could not be easy to handle and can have adverse effects on their physical and mental well-being.
Submitted by bhavika_31 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and conciseness. Use a clear thesis statement to present your opinion on the topic.
task response
The essay fails to fully address the prompt. Expand on the positive and negative aspects of becoming famous at a young age and provide a well-balanced argument.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Develop your ideas and ensure that they are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
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