IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays more and more people are spending less time at home. Why do you think it happens? What effect does this have on individuals and the society?

#people #time #home #effect #individuals #society
In today’s era, people spend most of
the
Suggestion
their time outside the
time
 outside their homes. In my opinion, by understanding the reasons of
this
 phenomenon may lead us to understand the effects that it causes.
To begin
 with, it is an undeniable fact that we are living in a materialistic world. To satisfy the extravagance desires, people
work
 round the clock in the office in a hope of getting promotions and better
paychecks
. In turn, in
middle class family both
Suggestion
a middle class family, both
a middle class family both
 parents
work
 to make both ends meet. Eventually, they spend less
time
 in their houses.
Additionally
, students
also
 suffer from peer pressure. Top-notch universities and companies do not only require A grades but
also
extra curricular
outside the regular academic curriculum
extracurricular
 activities.
For instance
, Oxford University
usually give
Suggestion
usually gives
 an admission to a pupil, who
is not only excel
Suggestion
has not only excelled
 in academics but
also
 have done some charitable
work
.
Therefore
, students nowadays
work
 after schools and colleges to get a coveted spot in renowned colleges and companies. Eventually, these children and teenagers
also
 spend substantial
time
 outside their homes.
This
 tendency has some effects on individual and society. Individuals are more isolated than they were in
past
Suggestion
the past
.
This
 is because they spend most of their
time
 to perform better.
Subsequently
, they live stressful lives and their health deteriorates with
time
. Simultaneously,
This
 phenomenon adversely affects the society. In the past,
public
Suggestion
the public
 had good
work
 life balance.
Hence
, social functions and celebrations were done with
tremendous amount
Suggestion
a tremendous amount
 of energy.
However
, now the
norms
verbal abuse; a crude substitute for argument
names
 have changed. People do not even know the names of their
neighbors
a person who lives (or is located) near another
neighbours
’. To conclude, I pen down by saying that there couple of reasons
such
 as yearn to earn more and competition in education and corporate world that induces people to spend more
time
 out of homes. And the end results are isolated people living on their own in the society.
Submitted by With the recent improvements to internet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: