some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. do you think people can be happy without much money? what other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #happiness

money

Suggestion

Money

is considered by some people as the most important factor to live happily.

Suggestion

my opinion

Accept space

people can live more happily

without much

Accept comma addition

without, much

their

in or at that place

there

are other important factors which leads you towards

happiness

Although

money

can bring

happiness

life but

Accept comma addition

life, but

upto

Suggestion

up to

some extent

Accept space

but it doesn

Accept space

t mean that people without

money

can

Accept space

in the direction of

live happily.

firstly

Suggestion

Firstly

Accept space

take

for example

the difference between developed and developing countries

Accept space

the people in developing countries live more happily with strong family bonds.

Suggestion

the other hand people in

developed

Suggestion

developing

countries have less opportunities to enjoy good family connections.

secondly

Suggestion

Secondly

Accept space

there are people who enjoy

happiness

in their work.

for

Suggestion

For

example

Accept space

a volunteer doctor feels satisfied and happy by helping the poor and needy people in

responce

a result

response

of very little

money

finally

Suggestion

Finally

Accept space

some people get

happiness

by having the loving and caring people around them.

they

Suggestion

They

do their work and after work feels much satisfied by spending their time with

there

of them or themselves

their

close family and friends by sharing much with each other.

Suggestion

conclusion

Accept space

money

is not the important factor in life to be happy

Accept space

but that can be found through job satisfaction

Accept space

family system

Suggestion

the family system

family systems

and the loving and caring people around us.

Submitted by Mansoor Ahmad on Tue Aug 13 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

184 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. do you think people can be happy without much money? what other factors contribute towards happiness?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

othere think secondary school students should study inter Dions both these views and gie your while others belleve that tary school studi valuable school time. Discuss both these side

With the rise of e books comes the decline in paper books. Some people see this as a good step forward while others do not. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Some peolple believe that it is the best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsastisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some education systems make students focus on certain subjects at the age of 15 , while others require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school . WHat are the benefits of each systems?

The number of indigenous tribes living traditional lives in the world’s rainforests is decreasing. Within a few decades the last of these indigenous tribes may have disappeared forever. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening?