Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #sports #entertainment #personalities

There is no doubt that all occupations make respective contributions to the

society

they belong to. It is a controversy that more reward should be paid depending on their contribution; in

this

topic, doctors, nurses and teachers deserve to get higher income than sports and entertainment personalities. In my opinion,

this

phenomenon should not happen. To start with, it is certain that we cannot neglect the significant contributions to

society

that professional workers made. Specifically, doctors who perform surgeries and encourage every patient to thrive to save their lives are responsible for our health and wellbeing as well as nurses. It means that their contributions to the

society

is essential with high values.

Likewise

, teachers

also

show

fundamental dedication to

society

as they are in charge of

education

Suggestion

the education

of children who have the potential to change the future. Like the well-known phrase, “children are the future,” as teachers educate children, they become

more closer

Suggestion

closer

to bringing prosperity and fruitful changes

Suggestion

the

society

, which means they are a significant contributor to our

society

However

, how can we confidently assert that professional workers’ social contributions are superior to sports and entertainment celebrities? Athletes and celebrities are equally important as they

show

a different aspect of dedication to the world. Many sports stars give hope and motivation to exercise and being healthy.

Similarly

, entertainment personalities motivate people to act

virtue

Suggestion

virtuously

when they’ve done a good deed. People with these occupations

show

considerable contribution as they provide a heartfelt and positive mindset to civilians. In

this

sense, the two types of jobs

show

a different kind of dedication

thus

we cannot compare the values of them. To sum up, all jobs, whether is is a professional job or a well-known athlete or a superstar are significantly important as they make respective contributions to the

society

. We should keep in mind the values of each job and respect them without doubting each other.

Submitted by seobin0602 on Thu Aug 15 2019

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

319 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

too much emphasis is placed on education. more government money should be spent on providing free-time activities.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, people throw away a lot of food from restaurants and shops. Why do you think people waste food in this way? What can be done to reduce the amount of food thrown away?

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?