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Writing Samples /
Band 6

People who were born in rural areas often move to big cities when they become adult. What are the reason for this? it ia a positive or negative trend?

#people #areas #move #cities #adult #reason #ia #trend
No
one
 can deny that some
people
 who were born in the countryside choose to move to the centre
city
 when they become adults is an important issue. It has both positive and negative aspects. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the arguments that support the main advantages and disadvantages of the whole. on the
one
 hand, Many
people
 believe that moving to big
cities
 has many benefits. To my way of thinking, there are various reasons why
people
 decide to live in big
cities
. The most important reason is that if we live in big
cities
, we can easily find jobs and search for any hiring on social media.
For instance
, we have good and high-speed internet in the
city
 which is better than the internet that we get in the countryside.
Besides
 the internet in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
, we
also
 have many business companies which
are
Verb problem
makes it
show examples
 easy for us to apply for jobs
due to
we have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a large number of chances.
Therefore
, living in big
cities
 increases the chance of a future. Another key reason is that makes us become independent
people
.
For example
, we can learn a lot of new experiences that we never got in our rural, we can face real life here and resolve them by ourselves.
on the other hand
, there are
also
 disadvantages. The most remarkable is that far away from home and family. An example is that if we get an accident, we have no
one
 to take nurse of us.
One
 more reason is that we have no
one
 to talk about what happens to us. A good example is if we have a problem in our office or have trust issues with office colleagues, we do not have anyone to ask solution
due to
 living alone in the
city
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that going to the large
cities
 has more advantages because it can offer more benefits than drawbacks.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive phrases, such as starting multiple sentences with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all sentences begin with a capital letter for proper grammar.
task achievement
Consider expanding the body paragraphs to provide more detailed examples and a deeper explanation of both the advantages and disadvantages of moving to big cities.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively set up and summarize the essay.
task achievement
You've provided a clear response to the task, addressing both the reasons for moving to big cities and the positive/negative aspects.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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