IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
There is an argument between people about the influence of celebrities on the adults’ minds and personalities
that is
 the social media responsible for it. I totally agree that the media have a major effect on the society. In
this
 essay
,
Accept space
,
 I
going
Suggestion
am going
go
 to highlight on some of the negative results of giving a great concern of celebrities nowadays. At
first
, the young children can be affected easily by famous people because they cannot judge correctly on the others
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviours
. The number of teenagers who imitate the celebrities is boosting; they do not think before doing anything because they just watch them doing
untraditional
 actions or wearing a new costume, they rapidly do like
they
objective case of they
them
.
Accept space
.
For example
, there is a famous actor had made a special haircut trend, in a month; almost young men and teenagers just made as his hair’s trend.
On the other hand
, the media is playing an important role in spreading the culture of the famous celebrities. If the government expresses a clear observation on the materials that appear on the TVs or social media, there will not be much more negative
effect
Suggestion
effective
 on the children.
In addition
 to that
,
Accept space
,
 many families think that the films and plays which showed on visional channels have an enormous influence on their
kids
Suggestion
kid's
 personality.
For instance
; there is an article have published in Al-Ahram newspaper showed that 80 % of the
school students
Accept comma addition
school, students
 are doing the same aggressive actions like a famous actor called Mohamed Ramadan. To sum up, the more positive things and actions showed by
media
Suggestion
the media
,
Accept space
,
 the more healthy minds
will be grow
Suggestion
will be grown
. WE must give a huge care for the materials that shown on the media channels.
Submitted by tarek-mohamad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: