Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, free
time
activities
become a doubt among
parents
lives with
children
.Some mankind argue that
parents
should be prepared
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
activities
for
children
.
While
others believe that
this
activity should be arranged by kids.
This
essay will shed light on both views and will give my view of point by the end of the essay. To commence with the first argument, some people prefer to organise
activities
for
children
because they feel they have to take care of them and kids still do not understand what is suitable for them.To elaborate ,
parents
are more aware of what
children
should do in their free
time
.
In addition
,
parents
are more likely to orient
children
to behavioural and moral
activities
according to
their age .
For instance
; if a mother decides to arrange swimming pool parties for her
children
in
this
case, they
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
the adult person to monitor them during their swimming to avoid any issues .
On the other hand
, having free
time
exerts a positive effect on people's mental and physical health.
Also
, many students have outdoor
activities
in their leisure
time
in order to resolve stress because they get stressed at school.
As a result
, all young people should be free to choose what they want to do in their free
time
.
Additionally
, by having what they want to do,
children
may realise what they are interested in.
For instance
, all famous artists in the world look for their
interested
Replace the word
interests
show examples
through free
time
activities
. In my opinion, there are some advantages and disadvantages.
However
,
it is clear that
being free to choose their
activities
helps them to look for their interests and potential. In conclusion,
while
it is undeniable that free
time
activities
that
parents
organise are beneficial, it is apparent that leisure
time
activities
that
children
choose by themselves have a more positive influence on their health and dreams.
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grammar
Consider improving grammatical accuracy and variating sentence structures to create a more polished essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles.
coherence
Work on making transitions between paragraphs smoother to enhance flow. This will help maintain the reader's interest and ensure coherence throughout your essay.
examples
Try to integrate more specific and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more compelling.
task response
The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both views and providing your opinion, which demonstrates a clear understanding of the task.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present and well-crafted, rounding up your arguments succinctly.
content
You have touched on key points such as parents' guidance and children's freedom which gives a comprehensive view on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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