IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

All over the world, the number of overweight people is growing. What do you feel are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

#world #people #effects
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The number of overweight
people
Use synonyms
 is indeed growing all over the world. Statistics
has it
Verb problem
show
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 that 25.7% of the world population is overweight. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend cannot be overemphasized. Obesity can be attributed to the following reasons and more:- Nutrition, inactivity, lack of exercise, food type, heredity, technology etc. Over the years,
people
Use synonyms
 have changed their diets from what we used to have in the past. More
people
Use synonyms
 now eat
high calorie
Add a hyphen
high-calorie
show examples
 diets,
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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 that are devoid of vitamins, fibre and fruits but mainly fat. Most
people
Use synonyms
 now take a lot of in-between meals and they do not engage in regular exercise. Exercise is an important factor in the weight loss routine. To keep fit and stay healthy,
people
Use synonyms
 need to be more engaged in physical activity. Walking, running, aerobics and the use of
treadmill
Correct article usage
a treadmill
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 should be common
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
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 to stay fit and healthy. More cases of obese
people
Use synonyms
 and young
people
Use synonyms
 with
weight related
Add a hyphen
weight-related
show examples
 diseases including heart disease
has
Change the verb form
have
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 increased tremendously in recent years
going
Verb problem
according
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by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 statistics.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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