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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
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It is true that in some countries the
number
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 of senior people is on the rise. It is undeniable that the issue has some benefits and drawbacks, but I personally believe that it has more drawbacks and the following essay will discuss them in details. The main affirmative aspect of the trend towards the increasing population of elderly people is that the quality of
healthcare system
Suggestion
the health care system
health care system
 in the
country
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 is upward
leveling
changing the ground level to a smooth horizontal or gently sloping surface
levelling
. If the
number
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 of elderly people increases, The government has successfully provided a better medication for the senior people through rising investment in biotechnology and medical science. As the quality of the public health services improves, it means that more and more old people are being fairly treated as well as the other generation.
Consequently
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, members of society could maintain their health level and have a longer life expectancy, and it will contribute to global community development. Despite the positives mentioned above, I believe that the growing
number
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 of senior citizens has some negative drawback for various reasons.
Firstly
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, As the
number
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 of
the old
Suggestion
older
 people increases, the government has to provide a higher budget for retirement houses and a state pension. These funds are collected from taxes from other citizens, It will be a huge burden for the
next
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 generation.
Secondly
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, If the ratio of older people increases in a
country
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,
then
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 the percentage of working class people
decreases
Suggestion
decrease
 and that has a direct impact on the economic development of the
country
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.
Last
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 but not least, the
country
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 will
also
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 face
population density problem
Suggestion
population density problems
the population density problem
. As the medication and health facilities improve, the mortality rate of the
country
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Linking Words
also increase
Suggestion
is also increased
, and it would cause a serious population problem for the
country
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. In conclusion, while I recognise the possible advantages of an aging society, I consider it to be a negative consequences overall.
Submitted by chyinfinite on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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