IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

Government should spend money to increase the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sport and art performances for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #development #sport #art #school #students #performances
Some people, including me argue that law enforcing agency should concentrate and spend their budget on school cultural activities rather than spending money for professional sports.
However
, there is a group supporting to spend more money towards public performance, not towards school's activity. The following essay states the points to support my opinion.
Firstly
, in
this
 modern world, it has been observed that lifestyle diseases are increasing a lot.
This
 is mainly due to unhealthy eating habits and lack of physical exercise. So if the government can introduce extra-curriculum activities in the early educational classes,
then
 it will help to make sure that kids are getting enough fitness time and the authority can protect them from lifestyle illness.
For instance
, in Kerala, the law agencies have started giving importance to sports and art from kinder gardens, which in turn, energized the students increased their concentration level in the studies.
Secondly
, most of the time, the early exposure to extra activities, may lights to create a hobby and later the hobby turns into as a profession.
Furthermore
, nowadays, competitions are there along with the practise. If a student won in the school race,
then
 he will be eligible to enter in the district level and
this
 will go till national level. By
this
 way the educational system is creating athletes.
For example
, in Kerela, the state spent more than 15% of their budget to have cultural activities and training.
This
 has given a very positive response from every citizen and most of the sports and arts persons have been identified from here. In conclusion, it is always good to spend a region's budget to encourage physical activities in the primary and secondary as
this
 often leads to develop athletes and professionals to develop the country standard.
Submitted by uchitha1988 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: