IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that people having people from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds living together in a country makes the country develop faster.do you agree?

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World
Suggestion
The world
 has turned into a global village as people from promiscuous cultures have
immigrated
leave one's country of residence for a new one
emigrated
 from their home countries in search of work and education. As a result, now populace in every
country
Use synonyms
 compromises of individuals from diverse origins and heritage. But is
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon of people from different nationalities living together in an area increases its pace of development? While
this
Linking Words
 is a contentious debate, I agree with the statement that having a heterogeneous society helps in economic as well as cultural development of a
country
Use synonyms
. The reasons for my narrative are discussed below in
this
Linking Words
 essay with supporting examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, when people from multifarious backgrounds and roots live together in a
Use synonyms
country
Accept comma addition
country, then
then
Linking Words
 it leads to an establishment of a society with a liberal values.
Also
Linking Words
, since individuals from different nationalities have brought with them their regional art and traditions, it results
into
Suggestion
in
 providing citizens with an invaluable exposure that emboldens innovation and creativity
thus
Linking Words
 culturally developing the
country
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Spain is considered to be a bastion of culture and arts because it has seen a mass exodus in past from
Middle East
Suggestion
the Middle East
, Europe and Asia. Indeed, if a society is devoid of people from different backgrounds
then
Linking Words
 it
can not
can not
cannot
 develop culturally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals from different nations have diverse set of skills and talents which can aid
into
Suggestion
in
 economic development of a
country
Use synonyms
. To be specific, higher productivity can be achieved if people having different skill set come together and work.
In addition
Linking Words
 to higher productivity, it
also
Linking Words
 leads to innovation and
formulation
Suggestion
the formulation
 of new economical methods of doing tasks which can help in making a
country
Use synonyms
 prosperous.
For example
Linking Words
, mass immigration from Afghanistan in
backdrop
Suggestion
the backdrop
 of protracting
war
Suggestion
the war
 has resulted
into
Suggestion
in
 an increase in
afghan
an Iranian language spoken in Afghanistan and Pakistan; the official language of Afghanistan
Afghan
 refugees in Pakistan. Since nomadic farming of animals is pervasive in Afghan culture,
local population
Suggestion
the local population
 have learned
hese
male possessive pronoun
his
these
 techniques of farming and
thus
Linking Words
 have increased their revenues. In conclusion, even though some consider it to burden and hassle when people from different backgrounds are living together, I believe that a
country
Use synonyms
 can benefit immensely from it economically as well as culturally.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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