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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The professional workers such as doctors, nurses, and teachers should be paid more than the sports and entertainment starts or personalities. Do you agree or disagree

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #sports #entertainment #personalities
Some people say that it is unfair for professional employees work in hospital, school because their salaries lower than people who are athletes or super stars. While I agree that the vital professional should be paid higher, I believe that sports stars deserve to get high salaries. On the one hand, there are several reasons why health workers and educators should get more salary.
First
 and for most, Doctors and teacher play a crucial role in our society. Indeed, we cannot live in good conditions without their aid.
For instance
, once
Ebola virus
Suggestion
the Ebola virus
an Ebola virus
 which had killed more than thousands of people infected in the past, doctors and nurses worked hard to treat, take care and save their patients.
Furthermore
, After World War II, thanks to the devotion of teacher, Japan can
boosting
Suggestion
boost
 economic development and become the leader country in the technology.
On the other hand
, high-paid athletes are absolutely worth because of their dedication. Sports stars and singers have to dedicate many years to developing their fitness and skills. In fact, in order to participate in the Olympic Games, the athletes must make an effort to practice and diet with strict lessons.
For example
, they cannot meet their loved ones in a long time and do not be allowed to eat for keeping lean.
In addition
, a sports career many only 15 to 20 years and
then
 they might be unemployment.
Therefore
, despite of high-paid salaries, the athletes always save money and make sure that they can have a
comfort
Suggestion
comfortable
comfy
 life in the future. In conclusion,
although
 I concur that the professional workers should get a salary which suitable with their effort, I believe that it is fair if the best athletes and singers earn a lot of money.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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