IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

1- Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both these points of view and your opinion

#films #computer #games #violence #people #effect #society #points
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With increasing the popularity of violent flicks and video games, some have expressed major concerns over their effects on society. While some argue that they are innocent entertainment and relaxation aid, others feel that they should be prohibited for their unfavourable influence. In my opinion, I support the latter view because of their effect on the attitude of people.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the audience who is opting for gruesome scenarios of flicks to help unwind. From a psychological standpoint, they regarded them as a peaceful way to escape unscathed from daily stress and to cope with their emotions. In a robust study, which was published by Cambridge University, they found aggressive-film fanatics claim that they choose it because it distracts their minds from thinking over problems. As the reasoning shows, not only would they release feelings, but
also
Linking Words
 they enjoy themselves.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the ubiquitous violent entertainment holds devastating adverse repercussions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, extended exposure could desensitize public’s reactions towards atrocities. By time, the more the audience is exposed to gory images, the little sympathy they would express. On top of that, violent scenes can strengthen the aggressive behaviour as it can be seen through myriads of media.
For instance
Linking Words
, many offenders recently are mimicking
first
Linking Words
-person shooter games in their crimes.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there is no direct evidence to correlate these forms of games and films with crime, their consequence could not be ignored. In conclusion, after demonstrating the effect of aggressive shows and games on facilitating the hostility among people, it is clear that it should be supported for the greater good of society’s members. It is suggested to legislate the circulation of these materials.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: