IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Topic 2: Some British families decide not to buy televisions because they influence the development of the creativity of children. What do you think?

#topic #british #families #televisions #influence #development #creativity #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, there are growing number of
television
Use synonyms
 shows which are very attractive and influence to children. Channels like cartoon network and pogo have a collection of cartoon series for kids, In every household watching these channels have become daily routine.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, some British families have decided not buy
television
Use synonyms
 thinking about kid's development and creativity. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view and in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are many side effects of watching
television
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as decrease in eye sight, headaches and laziness. It means while watching
television
Use synonyms
 complete body get relaxed except eyes and brain, due to constant pressure on the eyes and brain it results in stress. Many kids are not interested in outdoor activities because of the
television
Use synonyms
 resulting in low or no physical education. Parents should control their child's activities by letting them play outdoors with other kids.
Secondly
Linking Words
, why it is a good idea not to buy
television
Use synonyms
 is that pupils will concentrate more on their studies. What I mean by
this
Linking Words
 is pupils are lagging in their studies as they are no more interested in reading books due to their enjoyment towards watching TV.
For example
Linking Words
, cartoon channels provide interest and suspense, leaving kids in a situation not to study or study later.
As a result
Linking Words
 of these TV sets children
also
Linking Words
 stop interacting with parents and friends as they feel tired or sleepy after watching TV. They
also
Linking Words
 get influenced in
such
Linking Words
 a way that they think themselves in the characters.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many people argue that watching
television
Use synonyms
 has increased their child's creativity and imagination power. They claim that watching quiz contests and some logical cartoons help their children learn things quickly. Children can
also
Linking Words
 get inspired watching spelling and education related contests. They will gain enthusiasm and interest to participate in
such
Linking Words
 events. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some feel that watching
television
Use synonyms
 increases interest and imagination power, it is very easy for children to get addicted. Parents should encourage their kids in outdoor events which reduces stress on their brain and eyes. I think, children should be taught with sports and reading as they increase both physical and imaginative power
instead
Linking Words
 allowing them to watch
television
Use synonyms
 for hours.
Submitted by Goutham on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: