Some people believe that schools should only teach children’s subjects which are beneficial to their future career and therefore other subjects such as music and sports are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It has been suggested that schools should only focus on teaching academic subjects since they are vitally important to children’s future career path.
Therefore
, other subjects
such
as sports and
music
should be ignored.
Nevertheless
, I completely disagree with
this
view because of the following reasons. Obviously, non-academic subjects like sports and
music
play an important role in an individual’s well-rounded growth.
First
, practising sports could contribute to building a healthy and flexible body.
For instance
, doing regular physical exercise could enable children to build stronger muscles and
bonds which
Accept comma addition
bonds, which
are essential for children’s physical growth in the long run. Not only does
this
helps
student
Suggestion
students
the student
to develop an active and healthy lifestyle, it
also
frees them from the stuffy atmosphere in
class rooms
a room in a school where lessons take place
classrooms
.
Second
,
music
could exert significant impacts on children’s cognitive and intellectual development.Scientifically, children are able to develop the areas of brain related to language and reasoning better than others thanks to musical training.
For example
, students playing musical instruments from
the early
Suggestion
the earliest
time may find it easier to learn foreign languages and be able to solve math problems.
Furthermore
, in a competitive job market, academic qualifications and specialized knowledge might not be decisive factors for children to achieve their career success. In fact, if children are well-equipped themselves with interpersonal skills, problem-solving ability and critical thinking,
this
will give them a competitive edge to enhance their employment opportunities.
Thus
, the academic are just necessary conditions for them to pursue their ideal job. In conclusion, I strongly believe that other subjects including sports and
music
should be considered as equal as professional subjects in school syllabus by virtue of their certain advantages and the negative aspects of academic knowledge
on
Suggestion
of
in
their future career.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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