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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts illustrate four types of destination including part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment that graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving the university in 2008.

The charts illustrate four types of destination including part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment that graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving the university in 2008.
#four #destination #work #study #unemployment #graduate #students #university
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The charts illustrate four types of destination
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 part-time
work
Use synonyms
, voluntary
work
Use synonyms
,
further
Linking Words
 study and unemployment that
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
after leaving the university in 2008.  
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 studied in higher education,
whereas
Linking Words
 the fewest of
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a volunteer.   In the first chart, most of the
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 studied in postgraduate programs, the amount of
this
Linking Words
 group was 29,665
students
Use synonyms
. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and unemployment had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little difference in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in each group, there were 17,735
students
Use synonyms
 for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and 16,235
students
Use synonyms
 for
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unemployment. The fewest
number
Use synonyms
 of
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 was a volunteer (3,500  
students
Use synonyms
)  
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
second
Linking Words
 chart, it had 2,725 postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 doctoral degrees, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 student group
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 than the
number
Use synonyms
 of postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who did
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
work
Use synonyms
 not much (2,535
students
Use synonyms
 did
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
work
Use synonyms
). The fewest postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 did voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 (345
students
Use synonyms
).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 95%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, graduate, students, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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