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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts illustrate four types of destination including part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment that graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving the university in 2008.

The charts illustrate four types of destination including part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment that graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving the university in 2008.
#four #destination #work #study #unemployment #graduate #students #university
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The charts illustrate four types of destination
included
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 part-time
work
, voluntary
work
,
further
 study and unemployment that
graduate
 and postgraduate
students
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
after leaving the university in 2008.  
Overall
, most of the
graduate
 and postgraduate
students
 studied in higher education,
whereas
 the fewest of
graduate
 and postgraduate
students
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a volunteer.   In the first chart, most of the
graduate
students
 studied in postgraduate programs, the amount of
this
 group was 29,665
students
. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and unemployment had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little difference in the
number
 of
students
 in each group, there were 17,735
students
 for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and 16,235
students
 for
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unemployment. The fewest
number
 of
graduate
students
 was a volunteer (3,500  
students
)  
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
second
 chart, it had 2,725 postgraduate
students
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 doctoral degrees, the
number
 of
this
 student group
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 than the
number
 of postgraduate
students
 who did
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
work
 not much (2,535
students
 did
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
work
). The fewest postgraduate
students
 did voluntary
work
 (345
students
).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 95%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, graduate, students, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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