Children are experiencing the increasing educational, social and commercial pressure. What are the cause? What means do you think can be taken to reduce them?

5.0 / 9

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Introduction

Children are under tremendous

pressure

Use synonyms

Suggestion

education, community and finance.

This

Linking Words

phenomenon can stem from many causes, which calls for possible solutions to be adopted.

Body paragraph 1

There

are several factors are

Suggestion

are several factors

responsible for the academic, social and financial

pressure

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, children’s

pressure

Use synonyms

triggered by the expectation of their parents, they want their kids to be perfect achievers.

As a result

Linking Words

, children spend much of the day in school and extra-learning classes. Another cause could be that young people may

affected

Suggestion

affect

negative influences by their peers.

For example

Linking Words

, they follow and doing anything others want

such

Linking Words

as smoking, cheating in exams and firing with their friends.

Finally

Linking Words

, due to the income targets of many advertising companies and marketing firms, children may be

stress

Suggestion

stressed

in term of purchasing those commodities.

Body paragraph 2

However

Linking Words

, there are several measures which can be adopted to solve

this

Linking Words

issue.

To begin

Linking Words

with, parents should support their children in learning processes by encouraging rather than demanding for their best results.

Moreover

Linking Words

, school and family need to build young people’s self-esteems,

this

Linking Words

can aware their own values and make them live in the way they choose. Another solution could be for the government to introduce new laws against adverts target children. Parents could be vital roles in cutting the effects of commercial

pressure

Use synonyms

on their children by limiting the time watching TV or

surf

Suggestion

surfing

the Internet.

Conclusion

In conclusion, educational, social and financial

pressure

Use synonyms

in children

result

Suggestion

results

from many causes, and there are several actions that can be taken to address these issues.

Thanh

Aug 29, 2019

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

5.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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