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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.

The graph below shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.
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The graph gives information regarding people going to cinemas on different days in a European country in 2003, 2005 and 2007. For
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2003, the figure
color
Change the spelling
colour
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 is blue,
2005
Change preposition
in 2005
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
red, 2007
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
green.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, people often went to cinemas mostly on
Friday
Use synonyms
,
Saturday
Use synonyms
 and Sunday.
However
Linking Words
, among them,
Saturday
Use synonyms
 holds the trophy for having the most audiences
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each
year
Use synonyms
, especially in 2005; making
around
Change preposition
up around
show examples
 45% of
population
Add an article
the population
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Monday is the lowest out of all, having merely around 8% in 2007. Interestingly, on
Friday
Use synonyms
 in each
year
Use synonyms
, the figures are the same spot, which means that there is no difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the number on
Friday
Use synonyms
. To specify, in 2003, the graph is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable,
starts
Wrong verb form
starting
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 from 10% to 40%,
then
Linking Words
 it goes down to 30% on Sunday. Kind of similar to the previous
year
Use synonyms
, the growth is
also
Linking Words
 stable.
However
Linking Words
, there is a quite big jump between Thursday and
Friday
Use synonyms
. It increases from around 13% to 30%. At
last
Linking Words
, in 2007, the growth is quite massive each day, especially
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 Wednesday to
Saturday
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 concludes that most people enjoy going to cinemas on
Saturday
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, friday, saturday with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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