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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing?

#countries #children #school #law #work
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Some countries have enacted laws that does
not permit chil
Suggestion
do not permit
dren younger than 16 to stop schooling and get a full-time job.
This
Linking Words
 is a good approach as it allows the children concentrate on their studies and prevent exploitation at
work
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when young ones are not permitted to leave school to would full-time, they would be able to concentrate on their studies.
This
Linking Words
 is because full-time jobs would prevent children from having menta
l strength need
Suggestion
the mental strength
ed to assimilate what they are taught in school. Most children find it difficult to excel in academics when giving the chance to attend night school due to the stress from the full-time job. If these children were not allowed to enter into the labour force, they would be able to concentrate on their education.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, children who
work
Use synonyms
 full-time are usually exploited by their employers.
This
Linking Words
 is because these children do not fully understand the details of their employment contract and as
such
Linking Words
, they may be paid less or made to
work
Use synonyms
 for longer hours than the standard
work
Use synonyms
 hours.
Also
Linking Words
, they may n
ot be enjoy othe
Suggestion
may not enjoy
may not be enjoyed
r
work
Use synonyms
 incentives, which would be enjoyed by their older colleagues.
This
Linking Words
 exploitation could be prevented if the younger ones are not allowed to stop their education in order to
work
Use synonyms
 full-time. In conclusion, laws that prevent young children under 16 to
work
Use synonyms
 full-time has been enacted in some countries. These enabl
es the
Suggestion
enable
children to focus in th
ei
Suggestion
on
r education and prevent them from being cheated.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a good approach and should be imbibed by other nations who are yet to enforce these laws.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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