IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The tendency for human beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion in clothes and other consumer goods. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, competition among
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 already peaked significantly.
People
Use synonyms
 try their best to be more attractive or better.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that
core
Correct article usage
the core
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driven
Replace the word
driving
 factor is that
people
Use synonyms
 have a passion to compete and achieve
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 social status. On the one hand,
fashion
Correct article usage
the fashion
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 industry thrives because of
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 popularity and
interest
Correct article usage
the interest
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 of
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 lovely customers.
For instance
Linking Words
, if they release
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 product, individuals try to
be integrated
Wrong verb form
integrate
show examples
 with the group of
people
Use synonyms
 who
have already got
Correct word order
already have
show examples
this
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 product.
This
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 can be exemplified with the well-known company called
an
Correct article usage
apply
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Apple. Every year, millions of
people
Use synonyms
 eagerly wait to buy new stuff from their brand as
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 one of the most widespread and prevalent
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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. Whether
this
Linking Words
 product is necessary or not, they seamlessly purchase
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
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 soon as possible.
In other words
Linking Words
, social media has
a
Correct article usage
the
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 biggest contribution towards
this
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 trend, as influencers show off their wealthy lifestyle, making ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 even more jealous.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 not only copy
other
Replace the word
others
, but
also
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
try to outdo by acquiring the latest, unique or most expensive version of the trend. If someone is better than them, they immediately try to retain their status. For them, reputation is
important
Rephrase
more important
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rather
Correct word choice
apply
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than comfort. In some cases, they might just be a fan of some particular clothing brand, they partially think about admiration, but the core aim is to purchase something that they prefer. In conclusion, competition among
people
Use synonyms
 has a large contribution towards popularity of companies. But, the most essential thing is to be trendy or unique in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say in the first part if you agree or disagree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Explain your main idea more. Some parts are too general, so the reader is not fully sure why people copy others.
task response
Use examples that fit the question very closely. The Apple example is useful, but you should link it more clearly to copying other people.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order and topic sentences. Your essay has a clear start and end, but some ideas move too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with simple linking words like 'first', 'also', 'because', and 'so'. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each body paragraph has one clear main point, then add support for that point.
task response
You give a clear example about Apple, and this helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You talk about both fashion and social status, so your ideas are linked to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherently social creatures
  • acceptance and validation
  • peer influence
  • fashion trends
  • consumer behavior
  • media influence
  • celebrities
  • social media platforms
  • trend adoption
  • mass production
  • fast fashion
  • accessibility
  • unique identity
  • mainstream trends
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