IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many believe that retirement age is strict to 65 years old , which is unfair. To what extent you agree or disagree ?

#retirement #age #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is unfair to set a
retirement
Use synonyms
 age like 65 years old with ignoring to the kind of profession or occupation that people
work
Use synonyms
. I believe we have to consider that according to the type of
work
Use synonyms
, we could determine who can deserve an early
retirement
Use synonyms
 than other. Some professions need a physical ability to
work
Use synonyms
 under pressure and tension which is much more difficult
on
Suggestion
for
 the old aged workers than on their younger colleagues, that make them under risk of injuries and health drawbacks as their bodies cannot fit or withstand all of that effort needed.
For example
Linking Words
, some workers need a good pension to support their families financially like their daughters’ marriage,
therefore
Linking Words
 they need to retire
earlier
Suggestion
early
 to take the pension earlier.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some workers have serious chronic diseases like diabetes, hypertension and other cardiovascular disorders that make them need a usual and special care at home,
otherwise
Linking Words
 it will be a high risk of strokes and heart failures that make their health is under dangerous and hard to continue at
work
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some professions need the experience more than the physical
Use synonyms
work load
work that a person is expected to do in a specified time
workload
.
Such
Linking Words
 as the consultancy in a bank or any investment entity. It needs the employees to be more expert and
skillful
having or showing knowledge and skill and aptitude
skilful
 than the hard working. Resulting that the elder employees in the company are more proficient and valuable than others, which make the employers put
retirement
Use synonyms
 age to be older than other professions. As the company will need their knowledge and experience in the future. In conclusion, I
wholehearted
Suggestion
wholeheartedly
 agree that some workers deserve earlier
Use synonyms
retirement according
Accept comma addition
retirement, according
 to the kind of
Use synonyms
work load
work that a person is expected to do in a specified time
workload
 and their family needs. Rather than the others who
work
Use synonyms
 in companies need their experience that gained all over that age, they deserve high wages and high respect.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: