IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Others believe that they should live with family members(blood relatives). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #homes #members #blood #relatives
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In many countries, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 living in old
age
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
 is rapidly increasing. It is often debated that aged
parents
Use synonyms
 should live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 some believe that families should take care of the old members. I agree with the statement that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 should reside with their blood relatives as
this
Linking Words
 will provide mental and emotional support. The essay will discuss in more detail
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages of elderly living with
children
Use synonyms
 Working
children
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 think that they cannot provide support to their
parents
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due to
Linking Words
 hectic schedules.
Due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of assistance, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 ought to live in nursing
homes
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. The health of an old person deteriorates
thus
Linking Words
 they need medical supervision. Nursing
homes
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 and old
age
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homes
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 have expertise and are designed in
such
Linking Words
 a way that they are safer for senior
people
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. They will meet
people
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 of the same
age
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 group. Sometimes
due to
Linking Words
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 issues,
children
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 want their
parents
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 to reside in an old
age
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 home.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, senior
people
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get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 impacted by loneliness and depression
while
Linking Words
 living with strangers.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they feel blissful and cherished when living with their loved ones.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
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 worked
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and raised their
children
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
Correct article usage
the child
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child
Change noun form
child's
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 duty to provide mental peace to their
parents
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, which can be given at home with dear ones. Elderly
parents
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 surely enjoy the company of their
children
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 and grandchildren.
To conclude
Linking Words
, placing old
people
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 in old
age
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 houses has become favourable in some cases.
However
Linking Words
, it is overpowered by the fact that the love and respect which
children
Use synonyms
 can provide
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more helpful to them in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group. The families should take care of them when they are old.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more distinct and well-developed to frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced and comprehensive discussion of both sides of the argument to fully address the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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