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Band 5

Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Others believe that they should live with family members(blood relatives). Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #homes #members #blood #relatives
In many countries, the number of
people
 living in old
age
homes
 is rapidly increasing. It is often debated that aged
parents
 should live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
homes
while
 some believe that families should take care of the old members. I agree with the statement that elderly
people
 should reside with their blood relatives as
this
 will provide mental and emotional support. The essay will discuss in more detail
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages of elderly living with
children
 Working
children
 think that they cannot provide support to their
parents
due to
 hectic schedules.
Due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of assistance, elderly
people
 ought to live in nursing
homes
. The health of an old person deteriorates
thus
 they need medical supervision. Nursing
homes
 and old
age
homes
 have expertise and are designed in
such
 a way that they are safer for senior
people
. They will meet
people
 of the same
age
 group. Sometimes
due to
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 issues,
children
 want their
parents
 to reside in an old
age
 home.
On the other hand
, senior
people
get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 impacted by loneliness and depression
while
 living with strangers.
Nevertheless
, they feel blissful and cherished when living with their loved ones.
Moreover
,
parents
 worked
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their whole
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and raised their
children
.
Therefore
,
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 duty to provide mental peace to their
parents
, which can be given at home with dear ones. Elderly
parents
 surely enjoy the company of their
children
 and grandchildren.
To conclude
, placing old
people
 in old
age
 houses has become favourable in some cases.
However
, it is overpowered by the fact that the love and respect which
children
 can provide
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more helpful to them in
this
age
 group. The families should take care of them when they are old.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more distinct and well-developed to frame the essay effectively.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced and comprehensive discussion of both sides of the argument to fully address the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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