IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that violent sports such as martial arts and boxing should be banned from international competitions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #arts #competitions
It is opined by a small number of citizens that some sports involving intensive physical fighting should be banished from global events,
such
 as
Olympics
Suggestion
the Olympics
. I,
however
, strongly disagree with them because following rules and regulations can significantly reduce the chances of injuries, which is a general phenomenon associated with other games as well. To commence with, a few fighting games,
such
 as boxing and martial arts, are considered harmful by some which folks, which is not always true. To elaborate more,
human body
Suggestion
the human body
 is fragile and susceptible to injuries in almost all games, including soccer, table tennis, or other athletics. According to Olympic Association, the chance of injuries in football is circa 80%, which is very high in comparison to martial arts (~60%) and boxing (~50%).
In addition
, I strongly believed that injuries can be eminently controlled in every sport if the players keep themselves under legislative rules of the games, irrespective of its nature.
Moreover
, there is always a referee (or a group of referees), whose job is to control the game, avoid any fight and give impartial decision, which compels the sportsmen to stay in their limits.
This
 perspective has
also
 been proved by a study published in “The Daily News”, where the authors found only
~5% chances
Suggestion
a ~5 % chance
~5 % chance
 of mishap if the games are organized under complete regulation.
Last
 but not the least, the study was not restricted to only fighting games, which again supports my view. In conclusion, despite having a bit more chance of accidents in some violent games, those must not be
exile
Suggestion
exiled
 from international sports events,
instead
 strict rules must be forced to avoid any quarrel
leading
Suggestion
led
leads
 to injuries or
causalities
someone injured or killed or captured or missing in a military engagement
casualties
.
Submitted by azharalig on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: