IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in cities. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, it is true that young
people
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 work and study in metropolitan
areas
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, and
therefore
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 leave their countryside family houses. The reasons
of
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for
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 rural migration are manifold and
people
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 tend to think of
this
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 as a great advantage, but there are
also
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 drawbacks, I would argue that there are far more benefits. The main drawback of the trend towards leaving the hinterlands is the exponential population growth in the
cities
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 which hits the
cities
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’ infrastructure severely.
Therefore
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, the high number of inhabitants leads to congestion and pollution in city centres. Building new public transport routes cannot compete with
rapid
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the rapid
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 growth of
population
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the population
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. There is not only a problem with the different transport systems in the
cities
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, but
also
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 with a high demand
on
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in
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 the real estate market. Despite the negatives mentioned above, I believe that urbanization is a positive development for various reasons.
Firstly
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, most of the universities are located in
cities
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 and these universities attract ambitious students who want to receive higher degrees. The major advantage gained is the remarkable rise in the numbers of university graduates which ultimately increases the society’s education level.
Secondly
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, the job market in
cities
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 is more active and
therefore
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, it is much easier for professionals to find employment there compared to rural
areas
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 where economic activities are limited.
Hence
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,
cities
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 allow more
people
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 to have better jobs and enhance their financial conditions. In conclusion,
while
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 I recognise the possible disadvantages of leaving rural
areas
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, I consider it to be a positive development
overall
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. Most of the
people
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 in rural
areas
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 tend to move to big
cities
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 for reasons related to their career and their education.

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or personal anecdotes to support your main points, especially in the discussions about education and employment opportunities in cities.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the clarity and flow of your ideas. Although your essay is generally well-structured, some sentences could be simplified for better understanding.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline your position on the topic, which is a strong aspect of your writing.
content
You've identified important reasons for rural-urban migration, presenting both advantages and disadvantages, which adds depth to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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