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Band 6

For many young people today, shopping is their favourite free time activity. Why do you think this has happened? Should young people be encouraged to do different activities in their free time? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#people #favourite #time #activity #activities
Nowadays, Shopping is a significant activity for many young people
to spend
Suggestion
spend
time
 with friends, family or individually. Some people think that young people should do different activities rather than shopping
in
Suggestion
at
 their free
time
.
This
 essay will examine why many young people are passionate about shopping.
Firstly
, fashion is a massive trend for young people these days. What they wear or have is becoming the tool to show their status. I believe that social networks
such
 as
instagram
,
facebook
Suggestion
Facebook
 or snap chat influence
this
 phenomenon. Especially because seeing young people
check
Suggestion
checking
 those social networks hourly or even every
second
 to see what their friends do or to what they do?, and they tend to judge their value.
On the other hand
, shopping is a great way to spend
time
 with friends, family or individually. As I mentioned, most people are spending their times on social networks. Considering that, the shopping activity helps for people to stop the habit and, spend
time
 with friends and family in person.
For example
, when I was a student, we used to go to the shopping mall to hang out with friends after school. Even though we did not have much money to spend,
although
 we walked around the mall together and had conversations which are still memorable.
However
, some people think that young people should do different activities
such
 as swimming, playing tennis or any other sport.
Personally I
Accept comma addition
Personally, I
 believe, they may be valuable for young people to develop physical skills or maintain their health rather than going shopping. In conclusion, young people gain confidence and social skills on from shopping,
on the other hand
, sports activities need to be considered to maintain their health. In order to keep
this
 balance, young people should be encouraged to do both activities.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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