IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

#parts #world #research #history #people #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Researching family history is becoming popular with the
people
. Getting to know about the roots, is instilled by curiosity to learn about different cultures and regions from which their roots belong
as well as
 disease patterns in the family which can be seen beneficial for their health
as well as
 tourism. Curiosity is one of the main reasons for individuals to find out more about their family
background
.
People
 are becoming more aware as they read about mass migrations of individuals immigrating to different countries, which generates questions about their
background
 in their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. Getting to know more about the
background
, encourages
people
 to discover different cultures and places which promotes tourism.
For instance
, if a person has never visited a country before, he would have another reason to visit and to know more about the culture and the place and
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
 tourism. Another reason for exploring the
background
 is it helps them to discover the trends in the family tree. Some gifts, skills, and diseases are hereditary, which can be interesting for
people
 to learn, how many others in their family shared these from previous generations.
For example
, in the case of diseases, some of these could be avoided by taking necessary precautions, which can improve the living
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. In conclusion, it can be advantageous for
people
 to learn more about the family's
background
 and origins. Not only
they
Add a missing verb
do they
show examples
 get to know more about the skills, and patterns in the tree, but
also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
encourages
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourage
show examples
people
 to discover new places.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas. However, ensure that your supporting examples are more specific and relevant to the main points.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively used logical structures and presented a clear introduction and conclusion. Work on adding more linking words and cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Genealogy
  • Heritage
  • Ancestry
  • Lineage
  • Descendants
  • Forebears
  • Pedigree
  • Dynasty
  • Progenitors
  • Ethnicity
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Familial ties
  • Archival records
  • Hereditary
  • Kinship
  • Self-identity
  • Patriarchy/Matriarchy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: