Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is reckoned that highly qualified workers
such
as doctors, nurses and teachers should receive higher income that those working in ent
ertainment industry an
Suggestion
the entertainment industry
d sportsmen. Personally, I agree that not only professional car
eers but
Accept comma addition
careers, but
also
athletes and entertainers get high pay
.
Suggestion
paid
To begin
with, it is acknowledged that skilled workers
such
as doctors and engineers should be awarded lucrative income. In fact, professional careers are more likely to require hard work and commitment.
For example
, scientists tend to devote most of their time from early morning to late at night doing research and carrying out experiments.
Hence
, the scientific breakthroughs they make have contributed enormously to a more developed society. Another good example is teachers. Teachers are likely to have wei
ghty responsibility fo
Suggestion
a weighty responsibility
the weighty responsibility
r educating fut
ure workforce. T
Suggestion
the future workforce
he inspirations and knowledge teachers provide for
m th
Suggestion
for
from
e well-educated people, becoming promising driving workforce.
Nevertheless
, I strongly believe that people working in sports and entertainment industries are deserved to receive high wage.
Firstly
, sportsmen inspire the public about determination, hard work and the sense of competition.
For instance
, athletes may have to sacrifice their time with family and friends for advanced and high-level training on a daily basis that ordinary people are impossible to follow.
Secondly
, sportsmen and entertainers bring fame and name to their country. Take Korean idols as a good example. Korean girl or boy bands or actors and actresses have made eno
rmous wave of
Suggestion
an enormous wave
the enormous wave
enormous waves
trends in the whole Asia. A massive number of fans buy their idols’ pro
ducts and im
Accept comma addition
products, and
itate their sty
les.
Suggestion
style
Therefore
, Korea can enhance its image and popularity worldwide.
Thus
, there is no doubt that people who embark on a career in sports and entertainment should earn high income. In conclusion, it is rational that both high qualified workers and sportsmen and entertainers receive lucrative pay due to those con
tribution in
Suggestion
contributions
various aspects to their country.
Submitted by mailinh.vutran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: