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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that government should give high salary to the celebrities but others think that it should be provided to doctors and teachers discuss both views and give ur views

#people #government #salary #celebrities #doctors #teachers #ur
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Nowadays, it's often discussed if governing authorities should pay more to actors or service providers,
such
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 as teachers and doctors.
This
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 essay will highlight both points of view and will be followed by my personal opinion.
To begin
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, let's discuss why celebrities should have higher salaries. The first and foremost reason would be the efforts behind making movies or albums. The cinema industry is the biggest backbone of entertainment. Scientifically, it is believed to be the best source of reduced stress.
Moreover
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, films spread awareness among real-life warriors and educate help about ongoing issues.
For instance
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, the survey conducted in America outlines
70
Correct word choice
that 70
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% of people prefer watching movies or listening to music for relaxation and acquiring knowledge. So, artists need to be respected for their determination
as well as
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 treated with good money.
On the other hand
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, teachers uplift society by educating people of all ages. They provide knowledge which leads to great inventions and innovations.
Furthermore
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, doctors study hard to save lives. They have to work enormously hours and somehow give up on their personal life for the sake of the country. Both professions are pillars for the growth of the nation. As per the article in "The Times of INDIA", nearly 55% of the youth do not want to be an educator or a doctor, as these jobs do not pay enough. So, their salaries should be higher than celebrities. In my opinion, it takes many years
off
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of
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 hard work to be a doctor or teacher. It would be great if these occupations generated a good sum of revenue. As a nation, we need individuals who can work these jobs and help the country grow better.
Submitted by dkaur on

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task and provides a balanced discussion on whether celebrities or service providers like doctors and teachers should receive higher salaries. To achieve a higher score, ensure the introduction and conclusion are more comprehensive and summarize the main points better.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, there are some points where the flow could be smoother. For a clearer structure, consider using more transitional phrases and ensuring the connection between ideas is evident.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument, making a thorough comparison between the roles of celebrities and service providers.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear starting and ending point to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • public funds
  • essential services
  • infrastructure
  • economic contribution
  • public sector
  • private sector
  • high-profile
  • charismatic
  • lifesaving procedures
  • intellectual development
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