IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#air #travel #benefit #people #world #advantage #development
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The
last
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 few decades have seen an enormous growth in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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air
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travel
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. Some
people
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 claim that only the privileged
people
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 can make use of
air
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travel
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whereas
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 those with a limited budget take no advantage of
this
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 trend. Personally, I believe that both groups of
people
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 can reap the benefit of the rising
air
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travel
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. On the one hand,
air
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travel
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 enables
the
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affluent
people
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 to have access to faraway destinations for relaxation. Particularly, the well-off
holiday makers
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holidaymakers
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 stand a high chance of travelling to exotic and luxurious places to kick back and chill out.
For example
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, my neighbour, who is a successful businessman, flew all the way from Hanoi to Abu Dhabi to spend his holiday in the most expensive hotel, called Emirates Palace.
Furthermore
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, the expansion of
air
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travel
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 allows wealthy entrepreneurs to expand their business opportunities overseas. In fact, no matter how far a destination is, travelling by plane only takes up a day maximum.
Thus
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, many businesses are able to access many markets in various parts of the world, even in rural areas.
On the other hand
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, the less well-off
people
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 can still gain
benefit
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benefits
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 from
air
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travel
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. Specifically,
air
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travel
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 promotes
influx
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an influx
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 of goods and services between nations, so that ordinary
people
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 can afford
high quality
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high-quality
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 goods at a reasonable price.
For instance
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, tropical fruits
such
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 as guava, passion fruit and pineapple were very rare and sold at an inflated price in temperate regions.
However
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, thanks to the extension of
air
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travel
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, those fruits are now more affordable for the locals. In conclusion,
this
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 essay has highlighted the
upside
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upsides
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 and
downside
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downsides
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 of
the
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apply
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booming
air
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travel
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.
However
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, governments should take measures to reduce the
air
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 pollution that
the
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apply
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air
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travel
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caused
Wrong verb form
causes
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.
Submitted by mailinh.vutran on

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task response
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt and presents a balanced argument for both sides of the issue. You should also include a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, but there is room for improvement in linking ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessible
  • democratised
  • low-cost carriers
  • budget airlines
  • globalization
  • international trade
  • luxury experiences
  • affordable flights
  • cultural exchange
  • environmental impact
  • eco-friendly
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