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Writing Samples
Band 4

As children become adults their social behavior changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behavior and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

#children #adults #behavior #changes #differences #children’s #place
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The drastic
change
Use synonyms
 from children to adulthood of
human
Suggestion
humanity
 have been noticed by scientists. The main difference in
social behavior
Suggestion
the social behaviour
social behaviour
 of these two generations is the establishment of independent and
this
Linking Words
change
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for the modern world in creating an equal world for everyone. It is noticeable that adults and young children have vast different levels of
independent
Suggestion
independence
. As young children, human have to live with an adult. They eat what the adults provide for them, they listen to what the adults say and they grow
strong attachment
Suggestion
a strong attachment
 to these mature creatures. As growing older, youngsters demand more privacy and independent. They expect people around to treat them as an adult rather than some child. They develop their own interests and beliefs. The need
of
Suggestion
for
 self-supply is important to adults.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
change
Use synonyms
 is crucial because it is the foundation
to
Suggestion
for
 the establishment of modern government. The establishment of independent helps people to form their own opinions, their point of views, and their moral compasses. People are able to differentiate
what
Suggestion
what's
 right and wrong, what they support to get and the meaning of the action to gain what they want. It gives meaning for people to combat the previous out-of-date authorities
where
have the quality of being; (copula, used with an adjective or a predicate noun)
were
 lower-class people right were suppressed by
upper class
Suggestion
the upper class
upper classes
. It helps people
realized
Suggestion
realize
to realize
 the best government is the one who considers every person from every walk of life is equally vital for the society and they should be treated equally. In conclusion, the crucial
change
Use synonyms
 between children and adults is the sense of
independent
Suggestion
independence
.
This
Linking Words
change
Use synonyms
 helps to form the modern equal society for everyone.
Submitted by Thanh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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