IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

people sleep less than before in many countries. Why do people sleep less? What effect does it have on an individual and on society?

#people #countries #effect #society
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According to
Linking Words
 the survey conducted by WHO the average sleep
hours
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
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 decreased by 12 % from the recommended
hours
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 needed for an individual.
This
Linking Words
 essay
discuss
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discusses
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on
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apply
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the reasons for the same and its effects on individual and on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
People
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 sleep less nowadays because of cell phone usage, which has drastically increased over the years, in
turn
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turn,
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 it is quietly squeezing up the sleeping
hours
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 that a normal person
need
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needs
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 for his
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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. With the advent of the 21st century, technology has taken giant leaps
particularly
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, particularly
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 in terms of communication whose fruits or byproducts are these gadgets which have smartly entered into our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 a crucial role in how we are connected, and interact with each other today. Having said that the downside to it has been its overdose.
People
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 have been using these gadgets in a way that compromises and intrudes into their private space. There has been a survey conducted recently by a reputed newspaper daily "The Hindu" which suggests that
people
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's cell phone usage has increased
10
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by 10
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% compromising
into
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apply
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their private
hours
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 gradually depriving them of
required
Correct article usage
the required
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hours
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 of sleep to
reenergise
Correct your spelling
re-energise
energise
 themselves. Sleeping less can pose many risks for
people
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in
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apply
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generally impacting their
overall
Linking Words
 ability to think clearly. WHO has suggested that
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
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8
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of 8
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hours
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sleep
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of sleep
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hours
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 required for an individual to remain healthy. There are other health disorders noticed like irritability, attention deficit,
hormonal
Correct word choice
and hormonal
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 imbalances, which if prolonged for say next 10 to 15 years continuously can create our next progenies who are born with disorders like ATD ( Attention Deficit Disorders) which means
inability
Correct article usage
the inability
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having
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to have
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 greater attention span. All these attributes might impact
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
society
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society's
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 goals of producing evolved human beings in future.
Honestly
Add a comma
Honestly,
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its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 a high time we look at
people
Use synonyms
 well
being
Verb problem
well-being
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 as the top
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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priority and for that we as a society must invest our resources in building the necessary infrastructure that will cater to
evolve
Wrong verb form
evolving
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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human consciousness. We might employ scientifically tried and tested methods to achieve these goals like practicing yoga which covers all dimensions that
includes
Change the verb form
include
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 mental, emotional and physical.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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