IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

#children #diseases #adults #obesity #disease
In today's world, the large population of youngster in most of the successful nations is overweight.
This
leads
Suggestion
will lead
 to many hurdles in the future for developed countries. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss some of the root causes and their results in
life
. There are many sources of having increased weight among humans.
First
 and foremost is unhealthy food habits.
The young
Suggestion
The younger
 generation loves to eat outside most of the time and especially focusing on burgers, fries and, cokes, etc. Foods of these kinds are total affects their body in some way.
Moreover
, less physical activities
is
Suggestion
are
 another root cause of getting fat. People nowadays don’t have enough time to do workouts in gyms and parks. Cars are used more in day to day
life
 which results in reducing walks, and that makes your body lazier. On the other side, increased weight leads to more diseases among youngsters. In the future
life
 of a normal person would be short if
this
 problem is
continued
Suggestion
continuing
. Another effect is
dependency
Suggestion
a dependency
 which
mean
Suggestion
means
 overweight will be dependent on other people to active things.
For example
, going downstairs for a fat guy will be difficult, and help is needed
of
Suggestion
by
 other members. In an independent survey, it has been found that 80% of
overweighed
usually describes a large person who is fat but has a large frame to carry it
overweight
 people in the age group of 5 to 20 years will live a maximum of 60 years of
there
of them or themselves
their
life
. In conclusion, I strongly support to promote physical activities among young peoples because they are the future of the world.
Healthier
Suggestion
Healthy
 is the population of any nation that leads to more economic growth.
Submitted by sangar2k on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Prevalent
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Comfort eating
  • Screen time
  • Physical education
  • Nutritional education
  • Economic disparities
  • Food deserts
  • Subsidize
  • Advertising
  • Weight management
  • Junk food
  • Healthy food options
  • Physical activity
  • Body image
  • Counseling
  • Consumer education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: