IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? You should write at least 250 words.

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development
Nowadays, most kids enjoy spending
time
 playing video games, leaving a small amount of
time
 to engage in physical activities. One possible reason is that parents have hectic schedules preventing them to engage in activities with their children,
however
, in my opinion, it is causing a negative impact on a child mental and physical health. It is undeniable that parents these days have busy agendas where they can barely take their kids to enjoy outdoor activities.
In other words
, both mothers and fathers spend most of the day juggling between their work and chores around the house.
As a result
, they leave their children to spend
time
 playing computer games where they can keep their children busy in order to finish their tasks.
For instance
, a working mother finds it more suitable to keep her child enjoy the pad to be able to cook a meal or do the laundry.
However
, not doing enough sports is harmful for a person's health, especially for kids. To state
this
 in other terms, a kid spending most of his leisure
time
 playing virtual games, and living a sedentary lifestyle is at risk of having health issues
such
 as cardiovascular diseases, Diabetes, and obesity.
For example
, a recent study in the United States shows that to compare with kids who spend most of their free
time
 indoor, children who are enrolled in physical activity courses have 20% more immunity cells in their bodies. In conclusion, engaging in virtual computer games for a long period is caused by the busy lifestyle of the parents,
nevertheless
 it is affecting negatively the wellbeing of a child.
Submitted by ieltsjys2 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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