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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below describes the number of employees and factories in England and Wales from 1851 to 1901. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates how many male and female workers were employed in British and Walsh
factories
Use synonyms
 from the year 1851 to 1901. In general, the amount of male and female labours experienced
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the
period
Use synonyms
, but the
number
Use synonyms
 of
factories
Use synonyms
 significantly increased with a fluctuating trend. At the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 nearly half a million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male (287,100) and female (190,000) employees in 225 British and Walsh
factories
Use synonyms
 .
In contrast
Linking Words
, these figures declined
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
total
Correct article usage
a total
show examples
61,000
Change preposition
of 61,000
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
factories
Use synonyms
 increased almost
three fold
Correct your spelling
threefold
show examples
 to 600. In 1861, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of male workers rate slightly less than females, it was 131,780 males and 160,000 females in 227
factories
Use synonyms
 in the given countries. After a decade, both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
(80,123) and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
(60,000)
less
Add a missing verb
were less
show examples
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 previous
period
Use synonyms
, but the rate of
factories
Use synonyms
 increased to 622. In 1881 and 1891, the
number
Use synonyms
 of male
worker
Change to a plural noun
workers
show examples
 declined from 76,132 to 65,000
as well as
Linking Words
 females
50,000
Change preposition
from 50,000
show examples
 to 40,000 in the
factories
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
factories
Use synonyms
 in England and Wales
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
also
Linking Words
 downward trend from 722 to 625.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words factories, period, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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