IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment?

#tour #areas #community #development #people #environment
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These days, a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 have an
interested
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interest
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 in an organized tour in the far-flung distance and community.
Although
Linking Words
 touring in
distance
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distant
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 places has certain benefits, some negative impacts on the environment and society as a whole, as far as I
Add a missing verb
am concern
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more
Change preposition
of the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 negative advancement than
the
Correct article usage
a
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 positive achievement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the financial and
socio- cultural
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socio-cultural
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 benefits are evident. In terms of
financial
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the financial
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 sector,
tourists
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 from abroad buy food, clothes, and souvenirs at a high price from the local
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to economic growth for the native
people
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 and society, and eventually,
people
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 live standard lives. In socioeconomic culture, most of the
tourists
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 start residing with local
people
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, as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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ethnic
people
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 can provide vast knowledge of the outer civilized world through which indigenous
people
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 could enhance their information about the positive outlook of a civilized society.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the hoards of
tourists
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 visit most of the places, but wherever they go, they leave litter anywhere of the visited areas.
As a result
Linking Words
, the place becomes dirty and clogged sewage systems which spread diseases
such
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 as malaria, cholera, diarrhoea, and so on. Another problem is that indigenous
people
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 have to provide comfort to their
tourists
Use synonyms
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the local
people
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,
for example
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, cut down trees
for making
Change preposition
to make
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 extra furniture,
houses
Correct word choice
and houses
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 for visitors.
Therefore
Linking Words
, serious problems like climate change are acute. In conclusion, there are numerous
people
Use synonyms
find
Correct pronoun usage
who find
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 an organized tour famous for visiting remote places. It has benefited economically and socially, in my opinion, the negative
influence
Fix the agreement mistake
influences
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such
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 as environmental pollution
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 severe to consider
this
Linking Words
 attitude of tremendous negative development.

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language
Try to maintain a consistent tense throughout the essay to improve clarity.
content organization
Develop paragraphs by expanding on your main points with more detailed supporting ideas and examples.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the main argument and sets the tone for the essay.
content balance
The essay considers both positive and negative aspects of the topic, providing a balanced view.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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